A friend of mine recently started dating a very lovely boy. He’s attractive, attentive and thoughtful, and they have a great time whenever they’re together.
“So, what’s the problem?” I asked her over cocktails.
“It’s been five weeks, and I have no idea what we are or where this is going,” she fretted. “It’s not like we only meet to hook up either. We go to the movies, he organized a picnic in the park for me, and last night, we made dinner together. Like seriously domestic, right? I was even wearing my faux-daggy outfit.”
Note: A faux-daggy outfit is one that looks so effortlessly casual that you can pretend you just chucked it on, when in fact, you know it makes your boobs look fab and your legs look endless. In this case, the faux-daggy outfit was a colourful beach caftan that was just transparent enough to leave one wondering if that was a thong underneath or a figment of the imagination.
“Have you talked to him about it?” I asked her.
“Yep. And maybe its just because he’s foreign, and English isn’t his first language, but I’m getting nothing from him. It’s like, he likes me, but not enough to have a conversation about it.”
“Ouch,” I replied. “Honey, you’re Why-Not Girl.”
Why-Not Girl is the next level up from a Fuck Buddy. You don’t simply hook up when you’re drunk, or horny, or both. Instead, you do stuff together, but only if it’s convenient for both of you. It’s more that, “It’s Sunday evening, I have nothing else on, I need to eat, so why not? I’ll have dinner and/or sex with you.”
Why-Not Relationships can last for ages, and have all the trappings of a real dating relationship, but without the discussion or the official title. Which can be fine...even better than fine. After all, it’s nice to have someone to do that stuff with—dinner, movies, picnics and yes, sex.
But in my experience, I don’t play Why-Not Girl very well. Firstly, if I’m in an almost relationship with someone, I want the title. I like to know that it’s official, that we belong to one another. I hate the idea that it's not all me, all the time because I really don't like sharing my toys. Plus, I’m so goal-orientated that I just feel like if this isn’t going anywhere, then what’s the point?
And finally, it’s Man On A Bridge all over again. I want to be wanted, I want to be chosen, and I don’t just want to be the filler because there’s nothing good on TV. I may not know what I want, but I know I want him to want me.
Has anyone else been Why-Not Girl (or Guy)? Ever dished it out? And if so, how did it work out for you?
I would tell your friend to get out honey...she's too good to be a why-not girl ;)
ReplyDeleteTo use your youthful vernacular, I would SOOO not do the Why-Not girl (if you’ll pardon the pun).
ReplyDeleteRun. And quickly. Or at least as quickly as those ridiculously-fabulous-I-am-so-crazy-jealous-I-could-puke 'Claudia' Jimmy Choos will carry you.
Being the Why Not girl slowly chips away at your self-esteem, bit by manicured bit and before long you’ve given up, your joyful effervescence has been oppressed like champagne in a Bucks Fizz (Bucks Fizz - so wrong, BTW) and there is no longer any 'faux' in those outfits.
Save yourself while you can.
x
He sounds nice
ReplyDelete@Lil: You know it. She knows it. :-)
ReplyDelete@Angie: Tell me about it. I don't want to be Buck's Fizz (which vaguely sounds like a stripper, and that's vaguely how the situation is making my friend feel)
P.S. Did I mention how comfortable those fabulous Jimmy Choos are?
@Anon: He is nice. When he remembers she exists, he's great. That's the problem. :-)