A friend of mine was recently heartbroken. As she sobbed on my couch and I plied her with Ben & Jerry’s and mouthed comforting platitudes, I wished there was something I could do to make it better. I wanted to wrap her up and fix this, because I knew how much she was hurting. We’ve all been there—the horrible, gut-wrenching ache of lost love. I wished there was a pill I could give her to heal this, or at the very least, to numb the pain. I wished I could go through it instead of her, because it is easier to endure agony yourself than watch someone you love suffer.
The truth is, there was nothing I could do to make it better except hold her hand, remind her how much she’s loved, and promise her that it will hurt less eventually.
“When?” she wailed at me. “When will it hurt less? And why does it hurt so much now?”
I’ve often wondered myself. I’ve thought a lot about why we become heartbroken, and why so much of love is pain.
A doctor friend of mine pointed out that in the human body, pain is a sign that something is wrong. It is a message to the brain that something needs to be fixed. When you break your arm and are waiting for it to heal, pain is a reminder of what limits your broken bones can handle, and diminishing pain is a measure of recovery.
The human heart is no different. When we lose a lover, we are not merely losing another person. We are also losing a part of ourselves; the part that we invested in them, the part of us that grew and transformed while we were together and the part of us that they take with them when they leave our lives.
We lose the hopes and dreams that we built with each other and we lose the future that we imagined together. The subsequent pain is a reminder that we are emotionally broken, and it prevents us from falling in love with someone else as we allow our hearts to heal.
When we go to the gym and work out, what we are actually doing is ripping our muscles apart and forcing them to re-form. They do so bigger and stronger every time. Ultimately, the human heart is also a muscle. The painful aftermath of a failed relationship is a signal that our heart is ripped apart, but also a promise that it will heal, bigger and stronger the next time.
Maybe your friend is just ugly.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the heart is not technically a muscle, it is an organ surrounded by muscles which pump the blood around the body, hence the reason the tongue is actually considered the strongest muscle in the body, despite common misconceptions to the contrary.
Although, considering you needed a Doctor to tell you that pain is your bodies way of sending a message to your brain to let it know that something is wrong, I will let this small error slide.
Dear Anon,
ReplyDeleteMaybe you're just ugly. Good thing I don't discriminate.
My tongue isn't that strong. Maybe it needs a workout. How about it?
Judging by your blog, i would say your tongue gets a fair workout, along with your vocal chords, whether it be rambling shallow tripe to your girlfriends, or screaming at man #32 saying 'please come back, i love you, I don't want to die alone'.
ReplyDeleteGreat. Shall we say 8 o'clock then?
ReplyDeleteDo you get off on how farking lame this blog is?
ReplyDeleteSorry, I'm a different 'anonymous' to the 'Anonymous' that you are trying to 'flirt' with above....
ReplyDeleteI don't want to be runner #33
ReplyDeleteHey Anonymous, it's original Anonymous here. Just wanted to drop you a line to say that it is exciting to meet someone who also thinks this blog is embarrassing to humans everywhere.
ReplyDeleteI don't think the article was ever professing to be anatomically accurate, but the sentiment is fairly uplifting - it's not easy being optimistic at the end of a relationship.
ReplyDeleteTo both the douche bag "Anonymous'" that are always commenting on this blog... You do not have to like what The Urban Detective is saying. In fact, you don't even have to read it. But for some reason you do. Continuously. So it can't really be that bad, can it?
ReplyDeleteFurther, before you talk about someone else's brain capacity, I would look at yourselves. You spend so much time writing horrible things on this blog... Which makes me think you have a bigger problems than red hair or obesity as The Urban Detective first suggested.
Ooooh I love the feisty Anon's!!
ReplyDeleteBroken hearts... You're right, Detective, we get stronger. And remember we also clear the way to get closer to finding the good ones.
I love this blog... generally. I love all your posts.
Um, if there's pain in love, you're prolly doing something wrong!
ReplyDeleteI have known girls who were addicted to break-ups - doesn't necessarily make the heart stronger if you keep making the same mistakes...
@emmascherini well said!
@UD so jealous - you have stalkerS!!! Plural!!! Surely that's big leagues?
@anon(s) You so ashamed of what you write you have to be anonymous? Own your words. Anything less is cowardly.
Break ups definitely aint an addiction. We use the 'get stronger' line as a way of Girl Power talk so that we move on swiftly!
ReplyDeleteAnd...The anon's might be anon's because they're 'cowardly' or what not, but I kinda like reading their banter and if they're too 'cowardly' to put their names up, big deal... this is cyberspace, who know's who's really who anyway.
Apologies for morning grammar lapse in previous post.
ReplyDeleteApologies for morning grammar lapse
ReplyDeletewow... and double posting. I have bad netiquete!
ReplyDeleteHey Original Anonymous...It's Anonymous 2.0 here.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to drop you a line to thank you for dropping me a line to say it's exciting to meet someone who also thinks this blog is the epitome of all lameness.
To emmascherini - uh, I occasionally read this blog in the same way that I read other vacuous crap -- It's just funny to read something by someone idiotically superficial and devoid of the ability to look at the world in a way that is not totally self absorbed. The chick that writes this blog is like the laughable social retard on any reality tv show - you watch because you can laugh at them and feel better about yourself.
Given she's so self absorbed, she likely views 'this discussion' and 'all these comments' as some sort of blog is any good. Which it's not…
But at least I’ve now met Anonymous Original…
PS the only reason I answered as anonymous is because I'd be embarrassed if anyone knew I read this, my name is Elle.
Anonymous said:
ReplyDelete"Also, the heart is not technically a muscle, it is an organ surrounded by muscles which pump the blood around the body, hence the reason the tongue is actually considered the strongest muscle in the body, despite common misconceptions to the contrary."
Actually, anonymous, the heart is an organ. AND a muscle. Specifically, it is made up of CARDIAC muscle, which is made up of a type of muscle cells specific to the heart. When the heart is overworked, like any other muscle, it gets bigger, a condition called cardiomyopathy. When you have a heart attack, the damaged muscles release a cardiac enzyme called troponin, again, specific to the cardiac muscle that is the heart. Where are these apparent muscles that surround the heart, that make the heart pump, huh? Who the hell taught you anatomy? The heart is surrounded by the lungs, which are able to breathe from the help of the intercostal muscles, that have nothing to do with the heart. In fact, the heart generates it's own electrical current in order to pump, and can pump entirely on it's own, without the brain and certainly without the help of these fictional muscles surrounding it.
You see, these are facts. NOT convenient lies that I have made up to make Urban Detective look bad. You are WRONG, and if you want to argue, get your facts straight.