A friend of mine recently came out of a long term relationship.
"It's over, it's definitely over," she lamented, knocking back gin like a sailor on shore leave.
"Good for you!" I cheered. "A clean break is exactly what you need!"
"Errr....yes," she agreed tentatively. "I guess so. Except..."
Except.
Despite the fact that their relationship was surely, definitely Over, they were still sleeping together.
Except.
Despite the fact that their relationship was surely, definitely Over, they were still sleeping together.
As it turns out, this girlfriend is not alone. An extremely unscientific poll of the women I know concluded that almost all of them, at some stage, had sex with an ex.
"Every relationship has a mourning period," explained one friend. "And as you go through the stages from grief to acceptance, sex helps you get closure."
And then there's the thrill. One girlfriend gushed, "It was the best sex I've ever had. Even better than when we were together. It's sort of illicit and exciting, so it's like a passionate one-night stand with someone who knows what turns you on."
Yet when I asked all of them how sex with the ex turned out, the universal answer was 'Badly.'
It's easy to get closure if there's a clear reason for the break-up. Like if he's abusive. Or there's someone else. But sometimes, the end is a long time coming and the cumulative effect of many small things. There is no one reason why it ends, no single reason to walk away except a belief that it isn't going to work.
And regardless of how it ends, rarely do we simply, abruptly stop loving someone. So as we wean ourselves off love, we also have to wean ourselves off our lovers.
"It's just hard to go cold turkey," was how one girl put it.
When women orgasm, their bodies release a hormone called oxytocin (also known as the 'cuddle chemical') that makes them believe that that man they just shagged is their perfect mate. Naturally, the more sex, the more oxytocin, the more deluded you become.
Men also release it, but in far, far smaller doses. Which is why they are able to separate the sex from the relationship you once shared.
Yet when I asked all of them how sex with the ex turned out, the universal answer was 'Badly.'
It's easy to get closure if there's a clear reason for the break-up. Like if he's abusive. Or there's someone else. But sometimes, the end is a long time coming and the cumulative effect of many small things. There is no one reason why it ends, no single reason to walk away except a belief that it isn't going to work.
And regardless of how it ends, rarely do we simply, abruptly stop loving someone. So as we wean ourselves off love, we also have to wean ourselves off our lovers.
"It's just hard to go cold turkey," was how one girl put it.
When women orgasm, their bodies release a hormone called oxytocin (also known as the 'cuddle chemical') that makes them believe that that man they just shagged is their perfect mate. Naturally, the more sex, the more oxytocin, the more deluded you become.
Men also release it, but in far, far smaller doses. Which is why they are able to separate the sex from the relationship you once shared.
So ladies, the lesson here is that if it's closure you want, it's definitely best to start with your legs.
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