Under-promise. Over-deliver?

A friend of mine recently embarked on a new relationship. Which means she has prepared more organic, home-cooked meals in the last three weeks than she has all year, her apartment is spectacularly clean, and her underwear, spectacularly slutty.

There is an old adage when dealing with clients that says, "Under-promise. Over deliver."

However, when it comes to relationships, it seems like the exact opposite is true. Almost every woman I know begins a new relationship trying to over-please, turning into some Martha Stewart/Lara Croft combination that makes wonderful home-cooked meals while simultaneously giving the impress ion that she can wield a whip as capably as a wooden spoon. We laugh at jokes that are only mildly funny. We wear lace underwear that resembles dental floss. We go back to having a first-name relationship with our Brazilian waxer. We wear strapless mini-dresses despite the snow outside because hey, it’s early days and the words ‘practical, comfortable or plausible’ have no place in those first few moments of a relationship.

Yes, first dates are like interviews, so naturally, we are all on our best behaviour. We want to get the job—the girlfriend job, the wife job or just a blow job. But are we setting ourselves up for disappointment?

The reality is that no-one can keep up that kind of perfection for very long. In fact one can age a relationship in the same way one can age a tree. Less rings around the eyes? More sleep and less sex. Bigger underwear? Yeah, that makes sense. After all, no-one’s seeing that underwear anyway. And if he is seeing it, he’s just so grateful for the sex that he’s not complaining. And everyone knows that you put on weight in a relationship. After all, when you have someone to love you unconditionally, what’s the point of saying no to that last piece of chocolate cake?

However, men never seem to over-promise. And I suspect it’s partly because they don’t have the accessories. The make-up to give you flawless skin. The bra to give you cleavage like Pamela Anderson despite the fact that you have little more than mosquito bites for a chest. The heels to give you height, the underwear to give suck in your dumpling-binge belly and the hair dye to disguise the fact that you haven’t been blonde since the late 80s.

Over delivering is hard work. But then again, client satisfaction is the key to any successful partnership and whoever said being on top is easy?